31 August 2009

try looking at it another way

people can be very mean.
i'm not sure what is going on
i'm going to watch marie antoinette now and try to not think about anything

30 August 2009


"A youth of Abydos in Egypt. He was in love with Hero, a young priestess of Aphrodite at Sestos. To be with her, he swam each night across the Hellespont, guided by a lamp which Hero had lighted earlier in the evening. During one stormy night, the wind extinguished the lamp and Leander, lost and overcome with fatigue, drowned. Unable to cope with her loss Hero flung herself into the sea."
I discussed that with rett and talked to him about stories and pretty underwear and his traumatic experiences involving a basket, a bicycle, a branch and a bone. he asked if he could read to me i said yes. I talked to andrew about clothes and people being people and wes anderson and pretty underwear. i had so many nice thoughtful conversations. i love how honest these two people are and i love them both. i love pretty underwear. i drew so much today!
painted my cieling

29 August 2009

hang around

i have been in my room for 30 hours i am so popular it kills me. i have nothing to say other than

28 August 2009

cancer of the bone pt 2

can i die please
edit: i came home and i slept.

26 August 2009

cancer of the bone

hahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahaha HAHAHAHA
i hate my life

25 August 2009

and he takes and he takes and he takes

On the floor at the great divide
With my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied
I am crying in the bathroom
i fucking love sufjan stevens

23 August 2009

you always manage to upset me when you are just being yourself.
i'm sorry it has to be like that. i really am.

20 August 2009

not in order

one day down a billion more to go. the thing that strikes me about rock climbing is that everyone is just so nice to each other and waits for each other and everyone helps one another and stands watching and doesnt judge anyone. it's just so nice it isnt like any other sport where its all competitive and it makes me feel so happy. i wish i was better at it even though it still made me real sleepy. i talked to rachel about dogs and being a vegetarian and tea this morning while drinking tea. it was such a long day. i love cooking. matt lets cook together every day. i met celias bebe rat Gumshoe and he is an adorable lil detective who was actually sleeping when i saw him but thats just a technicality. pique niqued made a pie no one ate-except pat THANK YOU-played scattergories played charades played sleep and showed up at matts house and slept over. added leah's mini scissors to my necklace and my mini matryoshka doll pin too. i love blisters and mushrooms and being tired and listening to peter gabriel and seeing old folks and young folks and my friends and your friends. and i love exercising and tattoos and my dad's old boxers and feeling happy for being a veg and just being happy in general. people get this idea that being sad and having a therapist is like a hip thing which is stupid. i also like, glitter, freckles, not wearing deodorant or washing my clothes, stars, braids. "they probably sit around on the floor with wine and cheese and mispronounce allegorical and didacticism". haha so stupid and good. marry me
i like the song time to pretend by mgmt but nothing much else by them. i need to get into cocorosie again :) going to take off my socks and swallow a vitamin and go to bed and dream up phrases for people to tattoo on their lower backs.
i really
i am happy

17 August 2009

if you're in i'm in

i love grouper. i really do. when i listen to grouper it reminds me of winter and it makes me feel like i am five again in my grandparents house watching reading rainbow. yeah all of her songs sound pretty much the same but i like that constancy, it's comforting. and because they are like that, i think about the songs more, about their differences. it's just like people when you think of it. it's a beautiful thing what she does there. i really miss so many people right now. i found this photo on a flickr of this trampoline and there were all these people in sleeping bags on it they slept there overnight. how good does that sound? it sounds like the nicest. i want to do that. i feel like i'm really hungry right now but then i actually think about it and i'm not. i don't get inspired recently.

these shirt. my bed is not made, but my sweater is on. and it has a hole in it. beautiful! hard work and sweat pays off kids

do you want to fall like you know i do?

edit: i am completely useless and i am awkward. i honestly think that my best attributes are that most of the time i smell bad and i can make macaroni and cheese by myself. i dont even have a bike like wtf mang

16 August 2009

15 August 2009

dragging a dead deer up a hill/stupid little things

reading about carl jung, diane keaton, self mutilation, dessert recipes, richard nixon: drinking tea, looking at marc johns drawings. just saying things. i like history but not the kind they teach in school, not entirely at least. baked cookies, baked a pie, watched frost/nixon and manhattan, repainted my phone, made spaghetti with my dad
i cant believe i just had that conversation. it was worth it
listening to grouper
ignored you
well maybe because people want to feel. something. i mean right they want to believe that they found their person, the one they can live with forever and sleep with every night and eat toast with and play cards with when it's raining. i mean why wouldn't you like the idea. i know i do, i know most people do, to some it's a sad idea but they dont have to do it if they dont want to. i think having a series of relationships is good and necessary but why, eventually, wouldnt any one want to just be with one person for the rest of their life? how in any way is that a bad idea?
"i wish i had a horse's head
and a tiger's heart
and an apple's bed"

sweet nothings pt. 2

mugs, straight zags, scissors, jamie cullum's high and dry cover, jamie cullum in general, when my dad doesn't wear shoes, wearing socks to bed, chewing pencils, oxford shoes, snowglobes, when people surprise you, listening to music i haven't listened to in a long time and realizing how much i missed it, jazz, little miss sunshine, collar bones, rib cages, spines, bicycles, baking, my decapitated momiji message doll, cereal, excercising, sunlight, light in general, "qu'est ce-que tu as aujourd'hui?", fine tip pens, not killing myself, not drowning myself, 3d glasses that are flimsy, home made envelopes, red yarn, bjork, various cheeses, books, russia

13 August 2009

twice before three am, once after. when i'm underwater with my eyes closed and my throat closed it's so quiet and nice. and then when i come up and breathe i realize how loud everything is.
i'm gonna go re read catcher in the rye because i have no friends

12 August 2009

needle in the hay

we know everything and we know nothing. every time things are going well they just get worse. the longer things are good, the worse things end up. that's how it has always is. i don't quite know why, if it's a learning experience. i think it's supposed to happen. i guess it is. maybe we think things are bad when they really aren't, they're just warming you up for the worst thing coming up next. extremely loud & incredibly close, light, the holes in this blanket. my dad. i don't think i'm special any more. if i ever was it's gone now. anything i ever had is gone. if you think it can't happen it can and it did. because it happened to me. striped sweaters, long fingernails. neuroticism. feminism. liberalism. nationalism. idealism. fascism. pessimism. optimism. i hate everything again i hate isms again i hate myself again. pretending to be happy for someone else's sake, why do people do that? why am i doing it now? i hate clothes and i hate rules, they are both so itchy. get me out of here
the happiest kids you'll ever meet.


And the meteorite's just what causes the light
And the meteor's how it's perceived
And the meteoroid's a bone thrown from the void that lies quiet in offering to thee
joanna newsom is seriously the most terrifying singer in the entire world but she terrifies me so good

11 August 2009

09 August 2009

watched in bruges again, met timothy yesterday, made a birthday card, learning a song in japanese
"And then I thought, maybe that's what hell is. The entire rest of eternity spent in fucking Bruges. And I really really hoped I wouldn't die. I really really hoped.. I wouldn't die."

08 August 2009

i dunno i'm probably most excited about growing up cause then i can play django reinhardt as loud as i want all the time

06 August 2009

well i just fucking suck
edit: no i can't tell you everything because you just won't understand and you'll try your best and i'll appreciate you for it but what can you do to make me feel better? you can't do anything what am i supposed to say to your efforts? thanks but i'm still sad nothing you can do about it, gonna be a horrible person now and then you just get upset and frustrated that you aren't helping me and it's like hello not my fault i'm sorry if i have problems that i wanted to talk to you about and you aren't FIXING ME as if that's all you wanted to do, why cant you just listen and not try to fix me there isn't anything to fix or be fixed in anyone ever and people who think that are dumbasses. why don't people ever just listen anymore instead of trying to make me feel guilty that what they're doing isn't working, i don't want what you are selling i trust you and love you to death so stop stop stop and then i just feel terrible for being angry at someone who only wants to help then i just lose the person in the end so whatever it isn't a big deal it's not like it will change but oh wait


"yeah and it favors violence over sex which is really stupid."

05 August 2009

i care about you/1 2 3

i am just so mad at everyone and in love with everyone tonight why does everyone complain and then like people just dont understand things and then it all gets miscontrued and we get in fights and it is just the stupidest thing ever i hate the internet!!!!!!!! lame lame lame we are all lame and don't you forget it mister. my stomach hurts and my dad nicknamed his russian worker V because his name is vladimir. just be happy everyone just shut the fuck up for once please

in that order!

04 August 2009

jean-dominique bauby

this makes me so fucking sad.

but it is still incredibly beautiful.


i need to cut my nails D:

And we were lit by kerosene
And we were lit by acetylene
And we walked under neon skies
You know it made me wonder why
Why all the frequencies combine
And form a cleaner, brighter light
And we filled our florescent sails
It led to sodium-scarred wailing weeks
lights out for darker skies

03 August 2009


i love retainers so much and i think that yesterday was a pretty good day
edit: i dont really know how i feel right now but whatever it is that picture describes it

text devereaux

Me: i think i was supposed to have an orthodontist appointment today at 9
Dad: look on the fridge and see if it was today
Me: it was the fridge confirms it!
Dad: Damn fridge!

01 August 2009

the big tv

me and julio down by the school yard/animal collective in american eagle

i missed the city. good to have you back kid
edit: i AM a bike messenger

edit part 2: "We do not receive wisdom, we must discover it for ourselves, after a journey through the wilderness which no one else can make for us, which no one can spare us, for our wisdom is the point of view from which we come at last to regard the world." that's proust
edit part 3 final act final fact: my dad is the best person i will ever even know

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