30 September 2009

menage a deux ou trois

9:00 pm-11:30 pm: ate caramel ice cream courtesy of ceebee, wrote leah's letter/made envelope, studied history, twittered & facebooked, took notes, made bracelets ("menage a trois" et "rabbit fface" with two fs), listened to bjork/animal collective all with celia sitting across from me. so lovely; late nights with dear friends. fed Beatrix & gave her a new blankie, wearing to bed: tights, wonderful alpaca icelandicky knee socks from mom, dad's thermal and boxers, blue neck warmer from skiing years, hair up, beard on because it's so cold! fourty five beautiful degrees.
ate: two mugfuls hot earl grey, french fries (with alyssa who rescued me after school: thank you), cinnamon muffin courtesy of matt (my BROTHER), 2 eggs. i realized that counting in french really calms me down or something, quite rather odd.
goodnight; so happy and ready for a warm bundled nights sleep.
must buy: candles. must steal: pens
missing you ~ love, emlily


"sometimes i put my foot on it to muffle the bass and i can feel the vibrations on my toes. it's small but it's there."

28 September 2009

blame it on my youth

"Grab the book nearest you, turn to page 18, find line 4."::
"We loved each other with a premature love, marked by a fierceness that so often destroys adult lives."

27 September 2009

the sprout and the bean

memory is such a thing. it really is. i cant really describe it as being nice or wonderful or upsetting because there are too many. i just find it curious that we can hear a song and remember a specific time in our lives or smell something or see something. or someone. or just be thinking. what if we didn't have memories to visit? what would we do? and experiencing things and knowing that you'll remember them. having conversations and thinking about something that your friend said and really realizing how wonderful it is. appreciating is the most important thing we can do. we shan't be ghosts
and i want you to be happy it's just very difficult; i will get by i will get bye


Connor: Love your socks

take this sinking boat and point it home


26 September 2009

glad i was not there

things on my agenda:
dislike my life
dislike the entire male population
dislike myself
hang out with andrew gerber

25 September 2009

left right left right left right left right

"Sometimes i look at you and you're staring at me with this look on your face."
"You interest me."
Clem: So go.
Joel: I did. I thought maybe you were a nut. But you were exciting.
Clem: I wish you had stayed.
Joel: I wish I'd stayed too. Now I wish I'd stayed. I wish I'd done a lot of things. I wish I'd.. I wish I'd stayed. I do.
Clem: Well I came back downstairs and you were gone!
Joel: I walked out. I walked out the door!
Clem: Why?
Joel: I don't know. I felt like I was a scared little kid, it was above my head, I don't know.
Clem: You were scared?
Joel: I thought you knew that about me. I ran back to the bonfire; trying to outrun my humiliation.
Clem: Was it something I said?
Joel: Yeah, you said "so go." With such disdain, you know?
Clem: Oh, I'm sorry.
Joel: It's okay.
"What's your favorite beirut song?"
"After the curtain."
Mary: How did I look?
Stan: You looked happy. Happy with a secret.
Mary: And after that?
"The strawberry jam that made me who i am."
djsadfhdjkjfklds i hate myself
1 bowl of popcorn
three mugfuls of hot earl grey
cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese
milk, orange juice
1 bowl of corn flakes
and eternal sunshine.
when the hairs stand up on the back of my neck
it's your ghost i suspect
but i can't keep away from you
your ghost could keep me running all day
but i can't keep away from you
so lovely/wonderful etc.
`dark dark dark

she scaled mount everett

Dear Emily,
I'm sitting in chem and I was tying a piece of string around my finger to remind myself to have better posture and then Ashlynn was like "Why are you tying a string around your finger?" And I tried to explain it and it took her a long time to understand and when she finally understood, she was like "Why would you want string around your finger?" and I asked, "why wouldnt I?" and she was like "True." LOVE MY LIFE
From, the most popular boy you know LOL
i love notes the most

24 September 2009

honey rabbit

piece of bread, with jelly
two oreos
cinnamon sugar almonds
3 cups, or, mugfuls, of hot earl grey
vegetarian chicken
jus d'orange et d'eau
raisin bagel, toasted with cream cheese
two eggs
medicine and little coughs

22 September 2009

good eyes

why is
my life
so awesome NOT
i fucking miss the unicorns so much. i miss loving them. and the shins. why do you stop loving things? and i miss uncle chap and peter
edit. i realized that recently if i have seemed happy it's just when i'm thinking about all the wonderful things that used to be in my life. i found your sock in my bed. why did that have to happen
"i just want it to be like it used to be, with all of us friends."
"i don't wanna be friends."
just leave please i just want my fucking dvd back
thanks a lot.

21 September 2009

sneeze of my life

and this is not a place for weak tea leaves.
rare things are considered to be so fine (foxy ladies particularly) but it's just now feeling weird to me. are they considered nice and good just because they're rare? and, if theyre so nice why are they so rare? shortages of nice things - never good.
cold warmth, coldness & warmthj
dskadhkfs cheesbu
"you know where that happens to me alot the wawa parking lot. that place is such a pain!"

19 September 2009

old devil moon

good things. i love conversations. crying with four girls well thats something but conversations in general are good things. i miss being young and loving everyone and everything and not being afraid that i look ugly or something stupid. and listening to like corinne bailey rae and john mayer all the time WHO ROCK and just being cute because you didn't care about how you looked at all. like seriously i remember when i didnt have any friends and i just watched tv and hung out with my parents all the time. and when i rode horses every weekend with my mom and wearing that red quilted hat. and holding black cats and being a rabbit. and i remember laying bricks with my dad when i was like nine and that is my happiest memory. and i have other happy ones. like tying my shoes and being proud of myself. for tying my shoes. and when i wore a boy's shirt with a skirt in fifth grade and i remember that outfit and i love it thinking about it. and when adults were my best friends when i was a kid and my insane piano teacher who treated me like i was thirty and how all we did was read art books and drink tea and not practice music at all, in fact i played her guitar more often than i did the piano. when i did ballet for all those years and hated it and thinking about it now it's so beautiful, and how i've loved opera since i was a kid, and jazz. and i like wearing what i wear because it makes me happy and not because i think people will like it or because it's clean and matches. and i remember meeting hazel and staring at her wrist because she was wearing a great chair charm bracelet. and we were best friends after that day. i still remember that. and when she wrote me a letter and included five back to back pages of an excerpt from anne frank's diaries. and when i had a scrapbook that i took to school and drew in with those people. HAZEL rememeber when we were determined to find out the mysteries of lemony snicket and like took notes and just i miss that! in third grade. and we just wrote wrote wrote all the time. like i remember being excited for lunch and recess because i just wrote stories and played with dirt. just so many things. i remember spilling soda on my brother and learning how to ride a bike when i was twelve years old. and trying wine for the first time. and meeting that old family friend and just tasting wine and talking about it and when i was five and had nightmares every single night until i was like seven, and after that being afraid to get out of bed in the morning because i had those porcelain dolls on those shelves across from my huge bed. and i swore they moved and they would kill me if they saw me. why do they even make dolls? when i pretended to pray that one night to make my dad happy, and how my parents would say goodnight to me every night for like twenty minutes because i would ask questions so they wouldn't leave for a while. coming home from school every day, talking to my mom and going outside and taking pictures of the dogs. missing missy because she was such a beaut. and little things. like being awkward when i first met celia but we kept hanging out anyway even though the first like four times was uncomfortable. and when people confront me and tell me i'm a bitch and then i either lose those people or get closer to them because of it. and when i met various people and they stopped liking me because of the way i changed and realizing that they aren't worth it if they don't like who i or you or they are becoming. that's happened so many times and it can be upsetting because they're cute and you love them. but it happens all the time. and i miss writing so much. the other thing i did when i had no friends which was the majority of my childhood was just write all the time. i would just write for the entire day and write every day and set goals like "i'm going to finish this book by the time i'm twelve". the lyrics to holland 1945 and new york cares and the sound of django reinhardt. rett's voices and his sapiency. and i just decided to stop being so unhappy because it isn't worth it. there's not enough time to contemplate drowning yourself or being sad and it's okay if you are. but a lot of it is people not wanting to be happy. and it's taking time but i just want to be happy and unashamed again. and it's a slow process but it comes eventually. and if you want to dye your hair dye it. can i just say that coldplay ALSO fucking rules? i mean seriously. i could go on forever talking about this stuff it makes me so happy. theres always hope even if you forget that
i love you all so much
"i think you are wise like an owl."

17 September 2009


i still love the latter even after so many years of having his music playing during dinner. i feel like the way i did a long time ago, it's comforting. i like when i feel nostalgia, and finding old things.
wearing a red sweater

only eating this for the rest of my life.

edit: http://www.sendspace.com/file/byf8mv
this is me and celia and sara ARENT WE CUTE

14 September 2009

nymph e

my noises are just noises they i miss you

edit: there is a section of my inner cheek which is almost detached from the rest

13 September 2009


i wrote a song:
eating cakes all day
always add acid
always add acid
always add acid
always add acid

12 September 2009


10 September 2009

ordinary people

Conrad: You're sitting there and I can't believe how beautiful you look. You really look beautiful.
Karen: So do you.

09 September 2009

the princess diaries 2: royal engagement

i weep so pitifully and so fruitfully

the princess diaries

in computer class these are the sentences that the keyboarding program gave to me as examples for my practice, i wrote them down because i liked them/they were the most depressing series of sentences in the world:

she is gone
she got an old dog
she jogs in a dense fog
she and he go to golf at nine
he is a hand on a rig in the north

06 September 2009

kittenhouse square

not really its too hard to stop using this. its so nice out and i want it to rain but instead the sky is just a big parachute being held (and first i typed help, how fitting) up by the air and then it just collapses. only when that happens everyone just laughed and flung it up again. i miss gym in third grade man we did the coolest shit and i hate school so much because i am an IDIOT.
and my life is so awesome right now because i have one thousand boyfriends and i'm the most popular girl in school and it's great and cats
and i'm listening to m.i.a. and i forgot how good she is and peaches and janes addiction and thats IT also we're dating

03 September 2009

ask me ask me ask me

“I shouldn’t be so upset because life goes on and I should go on with it."

01 September 2009

i cant see how we're too old

well i think i had something to say but whatever it was i lost it. i wish i could be cute again and write meaningless paragraphs about things people have given me and something funny my dad said with lots of cool photos but i dont have anything to say i dont think i ever do
it's all fluff anyway.
we're terrified of one another
and terrified of what that means
but we'll make only quick decisions
and you'll just keep me in the waiting room
and all the while i'll know we're fucked
and not getting unfucked soon;
when we get home we're bigger strangers than we've ever been before
you sit in front of snowy television,
suitcase on the floor.
i hate myself so much
the antlers

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