12 August 2009

needle in the hay

we know everything and we know nothing. every time things are going well they just get worse. the longer things are good, the worse things end up. that's how it has always is. i don't quite know why, if it's a learning experience. i think it's supposed to happen. i guess it is. maybe we think things are bad when they really aren't, they're just warming you up for the worst thing coming up next. extremely loud & incredibly close, light, the holes in this blanket. my dad. i don't think i'm special any more. if i ever was it's gone now. anything i ever had is gone. if you think it can't happen it can and it did. because it happened to me. striped sweaters, long fingernails. neuroticism. feminism. liberalism. nationalism. idealism. fascism. pessimism. optimism. i hate everything again i hate isms again i hate myself again. pretending to be happy for someone else's sake, why do people do that? why am i doing it now? i hate clothes and i hate rules, they are both so itchy. get me out of here
the happiest kids you'll ever meet.

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