27 October 2010

I just

23 October 2010

theres a time and place for others but a time and place for being alone

My life is full of renegades

Today I used my brother's computer and went onto omegle video and one of the strangers said
"Your hair
is nice"

20 October 2010

feeling like frodo

Missing things so much it's like almost regretting them ever happening

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on? And in your heart you begin to understand; there is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend some hurts that go too deep that've taken hold."

I almost admire the ones who can forget people and situations
just like that

19 October 2010

i like poetry

today is the second time i've spent three hours on an essay. I like writing essays but I put too much effort into them. Maybe the blaring joanna newsom distracted me

17 October 2010


I feel sad and very very alone and my memories taste like blood in my throat, dry and bitter and a hollow sorrow heart made of rotting wood. Maybe that's why I've been drinking sweet tea to the point where my tongue is literally saccharine. Physical habits don't cure emotions, emily, naïve naïve naïve

"Each phantom limb lost"

16 October 2010

topsy turvy

just let me die"

11 October 2010

sweet and full of someone else's flowers

listening to the wnyc radiolab podcast and getting my things together for tomorrow. looking forward to the rain

10 October 2010

Tired of being me
i like packaged sunflower seeds because theyre good to eat when i'm angry or depressed and i can open them, leave them sitting and then a month later eat them and they'll still be crunchy and delicious

09 October 2010

04 October 2010

Todd: A sweaty toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain!
Keating: Oh, that's excellent! Now make him do something!
Todd: His hands reach out and choke me!
Keating: That's it! That's wonderful! Wonderful!
Todd:And all the time he's mumbling.
Keating: What's he mumbling?
Todd: Mumbling truth!
Keating: Yes, yes?
Todd: Truth like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold!
Keating: Forget them, forget them! Stay with the blanket! Tell me about that blanket!
Todd: You push it, stretch it, it'll never be enough. You kick at it, beat it, it'll never cover any of us. From the moment we enter crying to the moment we leave dying, it'll just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream.
Dead Poets Society
And on that note I always think what if the reflections and the uncountable pictures of us are just not actually how we look at all but just what we think we look like. You could be anything or anyone else or any number of people and you'll never know what you truely look like. It's kind of like the real life thought about the distance between your perception and their perception and how only you and your solipcism matters. You know the lines and the bumps and the softness and where it tickles and hurts and intricately few people will ever know those things who aren't you. It's kind of like a nightmare now that I think of it that I might only think I look this way but not at all at the same time because the way you see yourself is the way you are. You can't trust the opinions of others so why would you listen to someone tell you who you are? So if your delicious and rotten view of yourself is something physically different and we never see the opposite of ourselves the way everyone else does that's just exactly the way it is now.
I always have thoughts then when I really think or wrote them I realize that there are loop holes every where. Loopholes where sticky truth drips like honey

03 October 2010

just now i picked up my glass of plain water (at first i typed plain waiter) by the rim of the glass and stood in front of a full length mirror and thought about how different i feel when i look at myself and i'm not wearing my glasses versus when i'm looking at myself with my glasses on. i only wear them when i have to see something far away, excluding my reflection, so after i updated my lenses after five months of not being able to see 20/20 i feel like i don't see myself the way that everyone else does. because i look at myself in the mirror and think things but then i put on my glasses and realize oh, wait, nothing has changed, or just "no"
sometimes there's just nothing you can say
sometimes there's just nothing

02 October 2010

people who live with cats

i love how when you have a pet cat/cats in your house and they have their own seperate plans and you have your own seperate plans and you walk through rooms in the house carrying your plans out and they too and sometimes you walk into a room and a cat is sleeping in there

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