09 January 2011

"i would fain die a dry death."

It is so easy for me to muse on my day, feelings or memories on the computer but with a pen in hand the experience is a very different one. regardless i have some things to say tonight. the process of getting to know someone and developing a relationship worthy of a timeline is enlightening, in positive and negative ways. lately i have felt very certain of who i am happy to have in my life and about who i am glad isn't in my life anymore. unfortunately the process that everyone goes through to acheive this good feeling leaves me with the sensation of walking through headwind in the cold and the wind gets in your eyes and the tears jump out. but i am past this and have entered the sensation of the warm home. i have yet to truely discover what it feels like of someone to enter my life and then exit it but then re enter it. the re entering is what has eluded me, surely this has happened but looking back the people who come back never really left me. but the people who i consider "gone" right now, if they came back it would definitely be a new experience, and i don't know if i want this to happen, but if eventually it does, (and i'm sure at one point or another it will) well i guess that will be where fate has taken them.
thousand purple cups of wine
i have been spending a lot of time alone which i usually consider a good thing because my life is not filled with trimmings that i have not chosen, which last year my life was full of them. and to have finally sloughed the last of it off is terribly relieving. But despite my strengthened spirit, i do feel alone. i do have feelings
i love this girl

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