courage: June 2010

30 June 2010

sing to self

"i have nothing to worry about"

sh
making a small gift for bridges

28 June 2010

i love when i see a picture or a bit of old conversation or just think about something that at one time you knew nothing about and it was just a new experience/person in your life and at the time you never knew how that picture you took or that person would become a whole new part of you and at the time you knew nothing about anything, and then today looking back you think "i was so unaware of how this would affect me right now". it really kind of gives me hope that when i'm afraid something won't work out, maybe it will. i don't even just notice it in my own self

catcher

which is just weird. eating burnt popcorn

my brother just said "dad, can you help me with this? i don't know how to do it. is it easy?"

27 June 2010

you didn't have to laugh that way

i want to twist to radio sweetheart.

Salesman: This is our best model. The Cougar 9000. It's the Rolls Royce of wheelchairs. it's like.. you're almost glad to be handicapped.

"We may meet again before all is over, and then again of course we may not. that depends on your luck and on your courage and sense; and i am sending mr. baggins with you."

gandalf. now's the time for more costello, seinfeld and cambridge tea.

22 June 2010

pack up your sorrows and give them all to me

i love life and all its laws and littles and tribulations and the possible things and outcomes and fate and i'm so excited to take physics and really learn it rather than reading physics books and trying to understand but really just ambling along. going to the beach tomorrow; today with my mom to her friend's house to drop wine off and she let me borrow some books including a HUGE book of pictures of native american indians but i was most excited to visit her cat mehitabel, who is a tiny calico who looks like she swallowed a volley ball, and played with her and admired the sky which was a nice periwinkle color, like hydrangeas. it's a three quarters waxing moon now, now i know that is improper but understood! i really want to get like a book on clouds and weather patterns. maybe i can just talk to my brother. lion's pride

listening to joanna and nick drake, and mimi and richard farina. CUTIES

me: i found out what the song on the at&t commercial was.

dad: yeah, it's nick drake.

me: you knew? i didn't ask you because i knew you wouldn't know!

dad: i knew! it's like the laws of physics. you didn't ask me, and i knew, but if you did ask me i wouldn't have known.

me: that isn't physics

dad: maybe it was murphy's law. it's some law, i know it is.

a skeleton earring and a moon i made

20 June 2010

vwvwvwvw

listened to maps by the yeah yeah yeahs, havent heard that song in a while. some other things: i used a needle for a toothpick, and i bobby pinned my skirt in the middle to make shorts and i like it all much better now. and other usual things: took too many pictures of myself today, tried to eat green pesto rice, and painted my left hand nails black and the right hand nails red. basically i am a deck of cards. wouldn't that be great? or if i was a folly. a living folly
seeing de pew tomorrow. hello fleet foxes

19 June 2010

stranger in a strange land

i want to know if there really is a point where some one just gives up on every thing. the point where, like the lemmings, they run and run until they reach the edge of the cliff by the ocean and just leap off of it. like that photograph by yves klein where he's just falling into the street and looks completely guilt and burden-free. there must be people who feel like that, like they just really do not care about anything, either that, or they just care about everything

18 June 2010

ete

i love dogs

17 June 2010

migration to a town where trees swallow houses

i feel like i'm going to start hyperventilating and crying again any second WHAT IS GOING ON

15 June 2010

Then turning from them, reverent,
"their bed time it is", she said
"the bumblebees will wake them
when april woods are red."

emily dickinson

13 June 2010

i would like to reach out my hand

SO I DID IT SUE ME! things i miss times like tonight. not in any chronological order, though i love timelines. what i remember is, "you know what they say about the young". when she called me from the concert so i could hear sleeping lessons and i cried.

listening to django

s ; t ; u ; p ; i ; d ;

i cant/stand/people who lose/their/heads

you lost/your/head

you lost it

12 June 2010

typewriter tip tip tip tip tip tip tip tip

yesterday was a really reassuring day, it was just like the same day i had on ALMOST the same exact date last year, except i wasn't in 95% purple, and there was a slight difference in location and those present but it was essentially the same and the same people and it was really happy and nice. i got a call from alex julia apres lecole when i was reading Anna Karenina with popcorn outside and ten minutes later got on my bike. this morning i woke up pretty early after an odd, suggestive dream, and then i fell asleep and another completely different but also suggestive dream. the first dream took place in a very bright clear day and in the second it was always black and raining. these past 24 hours have been good ones, and i love having so many plans/addresses that i have to write them all down. my goal of 30 pages a day for Anna has not been completely filled, but i think it is a-okay. i still listen to good intentions paving company too much for my own good, though :c ive been thinking a lot about the man who tried to make the happiness machine in dandelion wine. also: when one person is consistently present in dreams, what does that mean?!

"official bombay, bone and boat saturday"
listening to regina spektor, the gories, pogo and of course joanna

10 June 2010

zach condon's voice makes me really just upset. that reminds me:

"Like a good coffee, these Titanian dunes are dark and rich."

09 June 2010

"somewhere in time a child is convinced that his little fingers and his face between them are rays from the sun there for everyone to fight off the night"

do you ever have those days where you don't really use a cell phone or a television or computer or whatever the fuck everyone uses and you do things outside and you might be a little dirty and it's sunny and you do other things like read or feed the pets or go grocery shopping or make a painting and feel "okay" about it or mend a small rip in some shorts and the day feels a lot more full even if you might go to bed twice as earlier, and then while you're in bed (earlier) you start to think about how empty some days are and how full this one day is and then you think about why that is? and how you went to bed earlier because the day was done and you could feel the finish drying with sleep?

another feeling, i always know it is summer when i come home and i walk up the stairs and i can feel the heat everywhere on me. as we r i s e like bread. and so you see, i have to laugh. it's sort of funny when i look back at old pictures of myself from weeks or months ago and then i think "my gosh my bangs were short" or something else about how different i looked and how i didn't see so until that moment, and in the moment the photo captured how i didn't see that i was different from even longer before, or up to that present time. SO UNAWARE. to laugh, sometimes, quelquefois, when my peau must have been slightly colder

(today was a fairly empty day, but i did discover in a new tea length dress i have, the inside hem is stitched with lace; the inside hem, so it's just like a secret) "denying his poetry to the public is his way of getting back at the world"

full stomach

06 June 2010

HOLD IT;

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

05 June 2010

it seems the quietest at first. it always feels so much quieter than it really is

"weary memory"

01 June 2010

birthday card for dad. drinking hot earl grey with milk and brown sugar and then
off to s l e e p, to s e a

"like heath that, in the wilderness,
the wild wind whirls away."
want
edit: did beck get the idea for the name of his album Sea Change from ernest hemingway's short story, with that same title?